Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sunday 8 July 2012

Sitting in the Starbucks again--how many crazy things, especially things that should probably be private, happen in a Starbucks? Just finished talking to J, a good friend of mine who's been in the business for a bit.  I was sharing with her how I've been struggling some with this time in between. In between the gigs we try to get to line up as best we can one right after the other.  Sometimes though it doesn't.  6 months she said she's been off one time, some time ago.  Holy shit.  She said hobbies become really important at that time, new interests, things that make her a better person--she's pretty cool.  How many artists out there have turned in on themselves, getting self destructive?  Raise your hand. Don't be shy. I'm with you.  That's why I'm in this Starbucks right now. Trying to chase this shit out of here. Listening to old beats from long ago. Mos Def. Liz Phair. Can't listen to Joni right now I'd just lose it.

J started writing.  Why not. One of my favorite quotes bolsters me: ""Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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A New Direction or A Radical Departure from earlier sunshiney posts . . .forgive me

Saturday 7 July 2012 (posting this today because I was being a chicken sh*t)

OK. Right now I'm in a Starbucks--don't judge me-- trying to get myself out of this funk.  Here's how everything stands: I've been back in NYC now for about a month.  I've been auditioning, getting back in touch with friends, and occasionally babysitting.  I've been claiming unemployment--yes. Me. I feel somewhat apprehensive about taking unemployment as I am a capable, bright, able-bodied young person with more than a few good years of work in her.  It's something that most artists have had to take on occasion in between work or to help supplement their incomes, especially New Yorkers as they live and work in one of the most expensive cities in the nation. Kiplinger.com named NYC the no. 1 most expensive city and says, that "A New Yorker would have to make $127,935 a year to have the same standard of living as someone earning $50,000 in Fort Smith, Ark., the least expensive city." Isn't that nuts?! So here I am in the most expensive city in the nation, an actor, unemployed.  Yikes.

 I should say that I am very blessed in that I actually have work lined up for the Fall of this year and early Winter of next year. I also have representation--a commercial agent AND a legit agent, both very established.  So as actors go I am actually doing pretty well.  So why do I feel tired just thinking about my future.  Shouldn't I feel excited, inspired by what is to come, or rather what is right in front of me or not yet discovered yet that I can make grow?

I write this knowing and feeling like a whiny b**ch, but I do so in the hopes that some of you out there, artists or not, may have felt this way before and so that we can commiserate.  And so here I am recording my experience--embarrassing details and all.
copyright of Gisela Chípe
all rights reserved